you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
