Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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