I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
