look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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