I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
