her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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