there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
