I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
