You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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