I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize