Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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