He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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