And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
