it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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