stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
