It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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