my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The uberlube is also flammable
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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