The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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