Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
