and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
