I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
