this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
