then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
