Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
