I wanna bring you to show and tell
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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