is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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