we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
