you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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