trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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