My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
