I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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