y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
