im six kinds of drunk right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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