haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
