No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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