I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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