Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
