I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize