Everything about him screamed your future.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
