margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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