Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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