there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
