new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You are the jesus of drinking
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
