can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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