My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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