The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just cropdusted the office
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
