sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
