No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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