Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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