im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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