We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
