the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
