you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
