i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
