He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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