Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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