My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
