kristin has been a bad kristin
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
