hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
