You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
