oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm at about main and main street
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
