I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
