think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
