you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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