Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize